Grief Relief

Missing Koko, my pet poodle, of 10 yrs. Today will be 4 months in Doggie Heaven. We miss your unconditional love Koko.

I lost my cat Sherry 3 weeks ago and am very guilty as I didn't take her to the vets in time. How do I deal with the guilt. It's driving me crazy and I can function in everday life anymore. I've lost 10 pounds and have trouble getting to sleep.

I am a broken soul right now and really stuggling with the loss of my dog Stella. Last night my husband was taking down a loft bed and little Stella a chui/terrior mix whom we rescued from the HS in Dec. was walking around...she ALWAYS had to be near me. I was standing and saw a beam starting to slide and wasn't in a hurry to reach for it until I looked and saw Stella in the way. I yelled at her to move but it was too late. The beam hit her in the head or back of the neck and she dropped to the floor convulsing. I was screaming as my 11 year old son came running up and to see me holding her as she twitched in my arms. When we got her to the ER Vet they said she had suffered major head truama and it would be $1000 to get her through the night with no guarantee she would be okay. I said no, not only could I not afford to pay that, I made a promise to her that I would take care of her, I could not let her suffer. She was put to sleep in my arms and I told her how sorry I was and how beautiful she was. My son was with me and we just held her and rocked her. I know it was the right decision..but I feel broken. I haven't stopped crying. I feel like I let her down. I told her I would take care of her forever and I couldn't protect her.
In Nov we had our dog loss a battle to an immune desease. He fought for a week and just couldn't beat it. When we finally let him go I felt at peace knowing he was sick...but I feel NO peace in my heart at all about what happened to Stella. I feel horrible and I am the Mom, I am supposed to be strong for the kids. and all I could do was curl up in a ball last night and cry as my 8 year old and 11 year old stroked my hair and told me it wasn't my fault. How am I going to get that picture of her suffering out of my head? I need help with this...anyone with kind words I really need them as I am struggling...
Hilary

I am the wife of an active duty servidce memeber stationed in Rota, pain.. There is a definite abandoned animal problem in our area and I dive in whenever possible. to help. On base we have a resue kennel and a kennel for found dogs that cannot be housed at our shelter due to space issues. I recently found the most gorgeous all white malamute mix abandoned or lost dog with no collar, chip or other identifier. There was no room in our shelter so I took the dog to the overflow kennel called "security kennels" (Like the SPCA sort of.) I debated whether to take the dog to my house as he was very, very sweet and gentle. Ihave a rescu lab mix who is very needy and 2 cats- 3 is the base housing limit. I was convinced to leave him at the security kennel and did so even with some unease. I went back to get photos the same day 2 hours later! to place an adoption ad and was told the dog was dead,,killed by a pit bull mix who had already killed another dog a month or so ago but was not put in any kind of muzzle or extra protection when unattended. I am in shock , and sick and feel responsible- why did I not keep him in my home until an adoptive home could be found,. I cannot find a way out of this anger and grief and responsibility I feel. It is as if I killed the dog myself. He was an extraordinarily sweet, gentle soul and when I think of him trapped and killed by another dog I cannot bear it. What do I do to move on, I'm overwhelmed by the images of him.

My puppy Maya drowned. She was not quite a year. She went to work with my boyfriend like she always did. He's a builder. He was working on a house on a lake. I did not know that ice had started to form. She wandered out on the ice. he did not see her. he called me when he couldn't find her. I left work to look for her. I followed her paw prints onto the ice until I could go no further. They led to open water. She was a Golden retriever and a strong swimmer. But the water was so cold. I constantly imagining her struggle and the moment she gave up and sank to the bottom. God, It haunts me that I wasn't there to help her. I hired a dive team to look for her. But the water was dark & deep and they could barley see. I am so guilty. The night before I had a dream that she had drowned. I was standing on a shoreline that was covered with straw, a tarp was covering the water. I had to jump over the tarp to get to her. I got to her and she was on her side floating. I tried mouth to mouth and then I woke up. Told my boyfriend about the dream and tried to forget about it and then got on with the day. I didn't pay attention to the dream. It's tearing me up thinking of her in that frozen lake. I keep looking outside for her. I need closure bit I have to wait for spring when I can look for her body. This guilt is killing me. I miss my friend Maya.

Navyman - Your physical life with Fatty may have drawn to a close but your heart life with him will never end. Fatty will be with you always!

Navyman. My heart goes out to you. I am crying as I write this. There are no words enough, but I'm sorry for your loss. It was his time. Be gentle with yourself and know that he had a wonderful life only you could give him. I will never forget my Peekay who died suddenly on 6/21/02, I miss him still. Maybe they are together somewhere where we will go too.

tUESDAY morning I lost the best friend I have ever had, his name was fatty, he was 11 years old, and he saw me through bouts of cancer, depression and other problems from my service in Vietnam many years ago. I found Fatty at an animal shelter on 1 Apr 1996. He was a Maine Coon. Ar night he would rest on my shoulder and put his paws on my neck and during the day if I sat down long enough he would jump on my lap and put his paws around my hand if it was able to. He never left me out of his sight, if I was in the house, he would always be at my side and he would even guard my house as cleaning people would come over, he would claim his territory which was the big bay window in my livingroom. I have six other cats, and he was the alpha male. At present I am still having trouble not crying. Sometimes I dont know what to do, I miss him so much. Many times I kind of took him for granted. His death was a major shock in my already messed up life. After 4 years of not seeing my daughter I flew to Connecticut on 2 Nov 2007 and I left my vet to care for my cats in my home. When I returned home on the 13th, my fatty had lost over 10 pounds and my vet still had doen nothing, and the rest of the story of hospitalizations and problems ending up in my fatty dieing. He had been badly dehydrated, no blood pressure to be found, little if none red blood cells to carry oxygen and the ISU Vet Hospital did everything humanly possible in the two days that they had him but he died at 1000am after I had him taken off of oxygen. I am angry and very sad. The things that fatty and me did together is truly amazing. He even saved another of my cats when I had a leak in the basement of carbon monoxide and he went into the room and dragged his friend from New Orleans who moved here with him out of the room and licked him until he started breathing and he called to me and I found them both. His original name was sammy but when he was 6 months or so, he was diagnosed with a bowel problem and my then vet said feed him whenever he wants to eat and i did and by two his name changed to fatty and he weighed about 21 pounds for the rest of his life. I had taken pictures of him before I left to see my daughter and he went from a gorgeous cat to what looked like a death camp survivor. And so ends my life with fatty

Whenever I've lost a pet, most recently being last year, I have had many people try to cheer me up instead of letting me grieve. One friend told me it was ok to be so sad as Alex was part of the family so of course I would be really upset. This friend is not an animal person by any means so it meant so much to hear that coming from her.

One of the most helpful things one can do for a friend or loved one who has lost a beloved animal is to share the person's pain. Sometimes when we see a person grieving, we feel uncomfortable. Hence we want to cheer up the person, in the hopes we will feel less uncomfortable. Resist the temptation to "cheer up" the person; rather accept the person's sadness, cry with her or him if you feel to. Be present with the person's pain; don't run from it. By being present this way, your heart will stretch open, and you will become a more loving, compassionate person.
I send my deepest sympathies, and my love, to all of you who have recently (or not so recently) lost a beloved animal companion. You are loved, you are loved, you are loved.