Cavy nuptials give the human kids something to think about

By Andrew McGinn

Springfield, Ohio - It would have been perfectly normal for the groom to squeal a bit — even a little random pooping at the altar would have been forgiven.

If that just described your wedding day, congratulations. You married a guinea pig.

But leave it to Cavia porcellus to define the sanctity of marriage. Or at least that's what Maiden Lane Church of God hopes.

The church's Christian Edu-Care school on Friday married off two of its guinea pigs, Pinecone and Buckeye, in a ceremony that came complete with flower girls and a reading from first Corinthians.

Now when they move into the same cage, the rodents won't be livin' in sin.

"They want to be together, and you know, this is a Christian school. Can't have that until you're married," said administrative assistant Shelly Davis.

And so Pinecone and Buckeye tied the knot in the Maiden Lane sanctuary with the school's youngest students looking on.

"I want to see a hamster get married," declared one 4-year-old student.

Really, doesn't everybody?

Sadly, though, the divorce rate for hamsters is almost double that of guinea pigs.

OK, so the guinea pigs presumably had no clue what was going on Friday — probably even less so when they were put in a plastic limousine and rolled away to a reception in the gym.

But the cavy nuptials are supposed to give the human kids something to think about.

"We are very strong on marriage and the principles of marriage," said school director Nikki Tackett. "There's a reason behind everything we do."

This actually was the fourth guinea pig marriage at Maiden Lane in 22 years. One ended tragically when, just days after they traded vows, the groom died.

According to Tackett, "We think the honeymoon was a little too much."

Guinea pigs get hitched at Maiden Lane

---

---

---